Jake's Asylum

2006-11-04T16:06:00.000-08:00

Hey everyone!

It's been way, way, way too long since I've written something. The educational system has managed to temporarily silence me by loading me with homework, thus preventing me to write anything. But I am free for a day, and I thought that it would be fitting to write again.
On Monday, I'll be going to The Wilds in Greenville, South Carolina with several kids from my school. I'm hoping to learn a lot about leadership and the Lord while I am there.
That's about it for now! Later!

~Jake

2006-08-01T18:18:00.000-07:00

Hello people out there in Bloggerland!

I just got back from a family vacation to Minnesota. It was a blast! The weather was beautiful almost every day, we caught lots of nice fish (including a personal bests for all of us), and I got dragged behind the boat in an innertube. It was fun. I got a nice tan from all of the Minnesota sun. We were all very tired when we got back but now we're all okay.

I'll also be playing in a wedding coming up. Congratulations Femmie and Carly!

That's all for now. Until then, have fun on my mediocre blog.

~Jake

2006-06-16T11:05:00.000-07:00

Hello People (wherever you are)!

The summer has been suprisingly busy. This week I've been doing chores for Mom and Dad in order to make the house look good for Father's Day. I've been digging a trench, mowing the lawn, sweeping all the floors in the house, and cleaning my room. All have been pretty easy, but they've taken me a while. I've also been reading a series of books that Jessie Riley showed me called the The Squire's Tale series. They have been pretty good. I've also been reading a book called The Power of a Praying Teen. It's been a great devotional so far. I'd recommend it to anybody who wants good reading material. It's in a series of books written by Stormie Omartian.

I've also been working on a new tuning on my guitar. I've tuned it down to a C# instead of an E. It sounds very Celtic and I'm working on writing an instrumental using the tuning. It's coming along. My guitar teacher and I are working on songs that we hope to do at a coffee house sometime. It's been fun.

Dad and his friend leave tomorrow for a 24 hour musky fishing tournament. I hope they catch a big one (and don't get too sunburned!).

Have a nice Father's Day Weekend!

~Jake

2006-06-01T17:23:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone,

I went fishing for the first time this year on Friday. My dad and I caught 32 bass. It was a blast. I Love Fishing!

Our Eagle Fair Carnival went very well. We had a great turnout, and we made over $7,000! It all goes toward scholarships for kids to come to our school. I appreciate all of the people who helped out. You guys are awesome!

School is out!YAHOO!!! Now I have to find a job for the summer. That's proving to be more than I bargained for, but I'm trusting that God will show me what to do.

I went to a birthday party for my buddy Paul. Me and my friends all watched movies that girls don't really like, but boys do. We watched Spongebob, Major Payne, and Trapped in Paradise. It was fun. Paul also showed me his dog, Molly. She is so adorable! She's a really short golden retriever, and she does tricks.

That's about it for now. Have a pleasant summer!

~Jake

2006-05-06T17:23:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone!

Let's see, what's happened since March 18...?

My family and I went on a vacation to Philadelphia. It was a blast! It was 70 degrees the whole week. We saw the Liberty Bell, Independence Hall, The Betsy Ross House, and many other neat historical places. We naturally ate some Philly cheesesteak while we were there. It was great! Way better than Indiana cheesesteak.

I also took my driving test. It was a little nerve racking, but the Lord was watching out for me (like always) and I passed. The written test wasn't hard either. I passed that too. So...now I am an officially licensed driver. FREEDOM!!! My parents also got a new car and they're letting me drive it. I am so excited! But like Peter Parker said, "With great power comes great responsibility." Hopefully, I'll be able to keep my driving privilages for a long time.

A few days ago, I was invited along with Luke Fausett, Trenton Flora, Emily Helmer, and Ashley Hagen to the TNT graduation banquet. It was a fun night. I got the honor of praying for our meal. After the speaker was finished, we each got a certificate of graduation and a keychain with out names on it.

Today was the church garage sale. We didn't have as much stuff as last year, but we made a lot of money. I got a bright red collared shirt, a trench coat, and joke book. It was a fun time.

Hmm... I think that's all for now. I'll try and stay in touch with y'all.

A Joke? Ummm...okay, hold on a second. I once knew a guy who was so dumb that he sent a fax with a postage stamp on it! Another time he put a crockpot in the microwave!

~Jake

2006-03-18T16:21:00.000-08:00

Hello Again!

So like I said, my family and I went to an Apologetix concert. They're the finest Christian parody band around. I think that the concert was the best on I've ever been to. Their lead singer, J. Jackson, had a whole bunch of crazy shirts! During one of the songs where they were taking volunteers to sing, they called me and several other people on stage to sing along with them. We all sang "Jacob's Name is Israel." It was a blast! They played great songs, but the devotional that J. Jackson gave was awesome! Afterwards, I met Karl Messner (their lead guitar player) and Bill (their keyboard, violin, tamborine, and guitar player).
The school play is coming up so soon! Only 4 more days!
I also competed in Fine Arts in the humerous interpretation category. I got second place! Cool! Most of my friends did very well too.

Talk to ya later! My mom has to make a phone call.

Jake

2006-03-16T06:43:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone!

It's been such a long time since I've been writing! School's been keeping me pretty busy. I got my report card yesterday and I've got A's and B's. Yes!

My birthday was last Friday. Four of my friends pitched in some money and bought me a Danelectro talk box for my guitar! It was so awesome! I was so flattered that they would all do that for me. After school on Friday, my family and I went to an Apologetix concert in Anderson. It was the best concert I've ever been to! I got to meet Karl Messner, their guitar player! He was really nice.

Well, the bell just rang. I've got to go. Talk to ya later!

Jake

2006-01-08T13:41:00.000-08:00

Hey everyone,

Happy New Year!

It's a brand new year! Time to celebrate your life so far, time to set new goals, time to make new friends, time to thank God for another chance at life.

Have a good one!

Jake

2005-12-30T15:33:00.000-08:00

Howdy.

I just went with my family to see The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. It was awesome! Great effects, great plot, great message. It totally beat the BBC version.

I got an awful lot of music for Christmas. I got about 5 Petra CDs, a Lee Ritenour DVD, and 4 Phil Keaggy concert DVDs. I'll be busy trying to learn some new guitar licks during the next few days. I also got some new clothes, Star Wars Episode I, and gift certificates.

So...Does anyone know the difference between a banjo and a trampoline?

You take your shoes off when you jump on a trampoline!

Keep safe over Christmas break!

-Jake

2005-12-10T10:17:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone!

I am greatly enjoying the snow day that we had on Friday. It's the first snowday we've had since I've been to Faith, so I treated it like a day off and lounged the day away.
Somehow the Journal and Courier truck managed to knock down our mailbox. That's a real nice way to treat a valuable customer! We managed to temporarily fix it.
I went out to get the mail today, and I saw a package from Christianbook.com. I have a hunch that Mom got me something off my Christmas list. Yes!
I also strung my guitar as a twelve string. It sounds awesome!
I read Jessie Riley's blog today too. It confused me very much. Oh well, that's the way most girls are anyway. No can figure them out except for God.
I finished my poetry project for English. It took a lot of hard work but it was fun. Maybe I'll post a poem on here sometime. Maybe.

To all of my buddies: Keep warm, stay safe on the roads, and don't try eating yellow snow.

Jake

2005-11-18T06:31:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone!

I've been rather busy since my last post. I have a huge English poetry project to do and a science project on top of that. Sometimes I wonder how I'll ever get any guitar practice in! I don't worry about devotions or prayer. I can always find time to read God's word.
Also, I'm happy to say that I received the privilage of being the Rabbi in the school play Fiddler on the Roof! Joel Benson was almost betting money that I'd get it. Joel should be proud of himself too. He got the lead character Tevia. Bob Brza got the part of Perchik, Luke Helmer is my assistant (or son, I can't remember right now.), Emily Helmer is Yenta, Jessie Riley is the fiddler, Daniel Nelson is Fyedka, and all my other school buddies got parts too. It'll be a lot of hard work, but I bet that we can do it. Wish us all luck.

Jake

2005-10-18T07:36:00.000-07:00

It's yet another day in typing class. I'm pretty well caught up on my work and I'm happy! So... who wants to hear a story?

We lived in a rough neighborhood our neighborhood was so rough, all the sparrows sang bass. It was so rough, if you saw a cat walk down the street with a whole tail you automatically knew it was from out of town. We played lots of fun games though. We played kick-the-can. We used a 55-gallon drum.
I don't mean to brag or nothing, but I could whip every kid on my street. Well, except for the Renolds kid. HE WAS A BOY!

JAKE

2005-10-15T18:13:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone!

It's been a rather interesting fall break. On Wednesday, I skipped school to get my wisdom teeth removed. While some of you may not care... I'll tell you the story anyway.

We arrived at Dr. Bagnoli's office at 8:15. We went into his "office" (a.k.a THE LAB)and he told me about the procedure. He then put a nozzle over my nose and told me to inhale. It was laughing gas. Laughing gas is inappropriately titled. I didn't laugh even though my lungs were full of the stuff. Instead, it felt like my whole body was starting to swell up. I then began to feel extremely lightheaded. Suddenly, I felt a pinch at my arm. It was Dr. Bagnoli injecting a needle into my vein. (I didn't feel a thing though.)The needle transfered the anesthesia into my bloodstream and soon Dr. Bagnoli's voice began to fade away as I drifted into a painless sleep. I kept hearing Bohemian Rhapsody in my head for some odd reason. When I woke up, I was sore but alive. Currently, I am in no pain, I have stitches in my mouth, and my cheeks are swelled up. (this provided entertainment for a certain female blogger [Oh I'm sorry! She prefers to be called a blogess!].)I'm doing fine now. Thanks to everyone who was praying for me. Your prayers made all the difference.
Oh yeah, and I was on a pudding/jello/mashed potato/soup/yogurt diet. That meant that I could eat pudding for breakfast. How cool is that!
Talk to you later!

2005-10-05T07:37:00.000-07:00

Well, here I am sitting in typing class (EATING LITTLE CHILDREN! HA! HA! HA!). I've been swamped with homework lately. It's been robing me of my free time, but I can always find time to play my guitar or listen to music. More importantly, I can always find time to read God's Word. I recently got a CD by Apologetix. It's called Grace Period. They've some awesome parody songs like Smooth Grandmama (instead of Michael Jackson's Smooth Criminal), Tom Saw Ya (instead of Rush's Tom Sawyer), Baa! We're Lambs! (the Beach Boys's Barbra Anne), and a host of other great songs.
I've got to go.

Jake

2005-09-23T15:51:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone!

I am in a particularly strange mood. I feel like expressing my woes for bodily functions.

Cowlicks- My cowlick has become my trademark in the family. It sticks out into the air, even when my hair is wet. But I like my cowlick. It's who I am. Never ever shave your cowlick off! No matter how many times you do it, it will always grow back to the way it was. Believe me, I'm talking from experience.

Zits- I'm sure we are all familiar with these red spots that randomly appear on our faces. Zits are annoying little things; but whatever you do, DON'T TRY AND POP THEM! It only makes them worse. Also, never shave them off with a razor. That will usually make you bleed. I know that from experience too. It's best to leave them alone, and they'll eventually go away. I got help from an excellent dermatologist, so zits don't bother me now.

Well that all... for now

Jake

2005-09-21T11:01:00.000-07:00

Hello,

It is day 2 of the ISTEP testing. It went better than yesterday. We did a bunch of essay writing. We got done an hour early, and I got to watch Get Smart, my favorite old spy show. We also got to watch a little bit of Timeline, Ivanhoe, and Henry VIII. Timeline had the guy who plays Murdock (I like Macgyver) in it! I got my progress reports back. So far I'm doing well! Algebra II might ruin it, though. Well, here's a short joke.

A boy comes home with a report card full of F's. He askes his dad, "Well, Dad, what do you think it is? Heredity or environment?"

Jake

2005-09-20T18:15:00.000-07:00

Hey everybody,

We had ISTEP testing today. They were, to quote Mermaid Man, "EEEEEEVVVILLL! Evil! Evil! Evil! Evil!" I got through the English part alright, but the math sections were awful. I barely got through one, and I ran out of time on the other one. My brain hurts. Oh well. I'll take some Alka-Seltzer and prepare for tomorrows test.

Talk to ya'll later,
Jake

2005-09-12T07:38:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone,
I'm writing in typing class. We just won a little competition for speed and accuracy, and WE WON!!! We got Reeses cups and a Snickers bar. Ahh, victory is sweet!

Talk to ya later,
Jacob Johnson

2005-08-27T11:56:00.000-07:00

Hi everybody,

Well, school has just started up. Right now we're eight days into it (only 172 to go!). It's going along pretty smoothly so far, but I'm expecting it to be harder as the year goes. Right now, my favorite subject is World History. Our teacher is the bomb! I like all of the classes right now. I've made some new school buddies and I think it's shaping up to be a good year. My friends from Terre Haute came to visit our family last night. I haven't seen them for years. Right now one of them is playing drums and the other is playing bass. They are both serving in the worship band. That's really encouraging! They also told me a joke that I thought I'd share with you.

A Jewish Rabbi, a Hindu monk, and a televangalist are wandering through the woods looking for a place to spend the night. They finally see a farmhouse in the distance and they run over and knock on the door. The farmer answers the door, listens to their story, and says, "Of course you can stay. The thing is, I only have two beds available, but one of you can sleep in the barn."
The Rabbi says, "I'll sleep in the barn." So he goes to the barn, the other two get into their beds and everyone falls asleep. Soon the Rabbi comes knocking at the door. The farmer says, "What's the matter?" The Rabbi replies, "There's a pig in your barn, and pigs are considered unclean in our religion. I can't stay in the barn."
The monk says that he will sleep in the barn. So everybody gets into their beds and they fall asleep. Soon the monk comes knocking at the door and says, "I can't sleep in your barn. There's a cow in there, and cows are considered sacred by our people."
The televangalist says, "Alright then, I'll sleep in the barn."
Shortly after they'd all fallen asleep, the pig and the cow came knocking at the door.

2005-08-03T11:46:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone.

It's been a busy summer for me! I recently got back from a missions trip to Chicago and it was a life-changing experience. I also got back from our family vacation to Minnesota. It was loads of fun. I was pretty cold, but we caught lots of fish. I'm leaving for my Grandma's tonight and I'm taking a field trip to Cedar Point with my youth group from Monday through Wednesday. That and school is starting up soon. I managed to get my wisdom teeth removal moved to October. (Phew!) That and I recently found out that a female blogger likes me. *blush* Well, here's a joke.

A man is going ice fishing for the first time. He packs a tent, his poles, an icepick, bait, and an overcoat. He searches for a pond and he finally finds one that he likes. So he sets up his tent, gets all his gear out, and begins to pick away at the ice. Suddenly a voice calls out, "There are no fish there." The man is startled, but he moves his tent and his gear to the other end of the pond and begins to pick away at the ice again. Suddenly, the same voice calls out, "There are no fish there either." The man moves to a different spot and begins to pick away at the ice again. The same voice, in an agitated tone, calls out, "Look buddy! There are no fish there!" The man calls out, "Who are you? Are you God?"
The voice replies, "No, I'm the manager and the skating rink is closed!"

2005-06-28T17:14:00.000-07:00

Greetings!

I'm having a pretty good summer so far. I took driver's ed a few weeks ago. I didn't know a single person there! Eventually, I got out of my comfort zone and met most of the people there. It was hard work, but thankfully I passed with a B average. We watched a awful lot of movies and took lots of notes! SCHOOL IS OVER PEOPLE!!! One movie in particular was called RED ASPHALT III. It was gruesome! They had a cop scooping up a guy's brains and loads of decapitated corpses! Sweet!
Right now I'm doing small jobs for my parents and relatives. My youth group at church is going on a missions trip to Chicago. We're looking forward to it very much. I'll write about it when I get back.
Now for a joke...

A grandparent is out working in the yard when one of his grandkids comes up to him and says, "Grandpa, will you croak like a frog for me?"
"I can't right now. I'm working."
A few minutes later, another grandkid walks up to the grandpa and says, "Grandpa, will you croak like a frog for me?"
"I can't right now. I'm busy working."
A few more minutes later, the last grandkid goes up to the grandpa and says,"Grandpa, will you PLEASE CROAK LIKE A FROG FOR ME?"
The grandpa stops his work, turns around, and says, "Why do you kids want me to croak like a frog for?"
The grandkid replies, "Because Momma said that we could go to Disneyworld after Grandpa croaks."

So long,
Jake

2005-03-28T17:49:00.000-08:00

WOW!!!
It's been way too long since I've been on here! Just for an update, I'm doing great in all of my classes at school(except for Geometry!!!). I turned the big 16 on March 10, and I'm thinking about getting my permit this summer(YEEEHAWWW!!!). Today I visited the Indianapolis State House. I met Senator Alting, Dr. Suellen Reed, and Sean Astin( yep, that's right. Samwise Gamgee in the flesh!!!) It was was very neat. I even got Mr. Astin's autograph!!! Now for a joke.

Adam says to God, "Lord, I'm really lonely. Could you please make me a companion?"
God says, "I have the perfect companion for you. She's beautiful. She works hard. She loves animals. More importantly, you'll be the only person she'll love."
Adam says, "That sounds pretty good to me. I'll take her."
God said, "There's a catch though. You gotta' give me an arm and a leg, Adam."
Adam thought for a second and said, "Lord, what will you give me for a rib?"

See ya,
Jake

2004-09-28T20:20:00.000-07:00

I'm BAAAACK!

It's so good to finally be back here! School started on August 25. Being a freshman in high school is proving to be a little more than I bargained for, but I'm enjoying it. Besides the homework factor, school is actually kind of nice. I've got awesome teachers, I get to hang out with my old friends and make some new ones, and I'm officially part of the senior high. I love geography class, but I'm struggling with Spanish and geometry. Now then, let's get to the jokes!
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A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde are walking through the jungle when they are ambushed and captured by cannibals. The cannibals take them to their village and tie them to stakes. After a while, one of the cannibals walks over to them and says, "Our chief says that you may go free if you are able to find 10 of the same kind of jungle fruit." So the three are cut loose and they run into the jungle with baskets.

The brunette comes back with 10 apples. She says,"Well, here's the fruit. May I go now?"

The cannibal says," If you're able to stick all of the apples into your mouth without flinching, you may go."

So the brunette puts 1-2.. apples in her mouth, but can't stick the other two in. So she's boiled up into soup. The redhead comes back with 10 blueberries. She starts putting 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9.. But she laughs, spits all of the blueberries out onto the ground, and is boiled into soup.

The brunette and the redhead meet up in heaven, and the brunette asks,"What happened? You almost made it and then you spit them out of your mouth. What's the deal?"

The redhead says,"I couldn't help it. I saw the blonde pushing a cart of watermelons!"

-Jake

2004-07-07T13:34:00.000-07:00

Hi everybody!

Nothing has been going on with me lately. I got a CD by Kansas(One of my all-time favorite secular rock bands)! It really rocks! It's got all of their hits like "Carry on Wayward Son", "Dust in the Wind", and "Point of Know Return". "Carry on Wayward Son" is my all-time favorite, although all of the other songs are just as great. Check it out sometime!

See ya.
Jake

2004-06-08T17:49:00.000-07:00

Hi Everyone!

It's been about two weeks since school's been out(YEAH!). I've been a little bit busy working for my grandma, mowing lawns, conditioning for basketball season, and doing various indoor activities.
My Aunt Min got married a few weeks ago. Do you know how she found him? She saw his picture on a poster at the police station. She even offered $300 more for him than the government did!
Also, my family and I were driving along a cow pasture and we saw a Democrat walking alongside it. Well, a big gust of wind blew his combover and his glasses off. He got down on his knees and tried to look for them. He thought that he'd found his combover five times! He even tried on two of them! (I'll bet his hands smelled!)

Jake

2004-05-11T17:43:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone!
I just want to encourage all you musicians to check out musiciansfriend.com! It's the bomb!

2004-05-09T17:56:00.000-07:00

Hey everybody!
Sorry that I haven't been blogging lately. My folks were in California for a few days and my teachers haven't been showing much mercy on the homework! Well, here's a joke to make up for it.
A stuttering boy tries to apply for a job. He searches through the classifieds and sees a job at a church for a Bible salesman. He goes over to the church and tells the preacher that he wants to apply for the job. The preacher smiles and says, "So, son. Do you think that you can sell a whole trunk full of them?"
The boy smiles and says, "W-w-well, I-I-I'll try."
So the boy takes the trunk and a few hours later he comes back. The preacher looks inside the trunk and it's completely empty. He says, "Did you really sell all of those Bibles, boy?"
"Y-y-yep." he replies.
"How on earth did you do it?" the preacher exclaims.
"W-w-well, I j-j-just told 'em 'D-d-do you w-w-want to b-b-buy a Bible or d-d-do you want me t-t-to read it to you?'"

Jake

2004-04-30T11:44:00.000-07:00

Here's a joke for all of you war veterans.

A general and a private are in a shack waiting for a spy to bring back secret plans. The general is pacing nervously and the private finally asks, "Is something bothering you, Sir?"
The general replies, "It's just that I'm wondering if there are any Japanese soldiers in the area."
The private gets down on his hands and knees, cocks his head sideways, pauses, and finally says, "There's about 27 of them, Sir."
The general says, "I wonder if they're armed."
The private repeats the unusual procedure and says, "Well sir, 9 of them have M-16's, 9 of them have bazookas, and the rest of them are carrying hand grenades."
The general replies, "That's astounding, private! You know all that just by listning to the floor?"
The private says, "Listening to the floor? Sir, I'M LOOKING AT THEM THROUGH THE CRACK IN THE BOTTOM OF THE DOOR!"

Jake

2004-04-26T17:10:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone,

Today is a sad day for me. Today is the day that I received my first demerit!! Oh well, nobody's perfect I guess. Let's lighten things up with a little school humor!

- A student grabs a coin, flips it in the air, and says, "Heads, and I'll go to sleep; Tails,and I'll stay up; If it stands on edge, I'll study."

- An angrey student goes up to his teacher and exclaims,"Mr. Tanner, I don't believe that I deserve a zero on my exam!"
The teacher looks up, smiles and says,"Neither do I, but its the lowest grade that I can give."

- A teacher says to the class,"If there are any idiots in this classroom, I would like them to stand up, please."
After a few minutes, an student reluctantly stands up. "Young man, do you really consider yourself to be an idiot?" the teacher asks.
"Not really, ma'm," the sudent replies,"but I just hated seeing you standing up there all alone."

- A college student writes, "To Mom and Dad: Urgent! Please send a Care Package with food. All they serve here are breakfast, lunch, and dinner."

See ya later,
Jake

2004-04-25T13:20:00.000-07:00

How's about a little humor!

An atheist walks into a church and says to the pastor,"I don't believe the Bible!"
The pastor, not really surprised, says, "You don't?"
The atheist says,"Nope. I don't believe that the Bible is true unless it can be proved scientifically. If you can prove one verse, chapter, or book of the Bible scientifically, then I'll believe it."
The pastor said, "Well, alright."
The pastor grabs the atheist around the neck and starts wrenching his nose back and forth until his nose starts to bleed. The atheist cries, "Hey, dude! Why are you doing this!!"
The pastor smiles and says, "I was proving the Bible scientifically to you. It says in Proverbs 30:33 that surely in the twisting of the nose produces blood!"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Jake